next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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