mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
