perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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