I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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