please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize