fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Drake has all the answers
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
