Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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