there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
