I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
