ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
