I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
