By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
