i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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