Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Every concussion has its silver lining
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
