Taylor Swift is so right about you.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
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I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
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did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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