Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
