Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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