i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
