I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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