the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
