How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
