I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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