Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
false alarm, still single
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
