You just made me feel so damn special
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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