In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
