i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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