umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You need Xanax blowdarts
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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