if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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