it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
