we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
