What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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