Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
