I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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