Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
