WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
