how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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