dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
