At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Small penises have feelings too.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
