I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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