Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm having to shit out rocks
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
