Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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