she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sext me about skeletons
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
