she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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