And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
