walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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