fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
