look no pants
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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