one word: firstdatebathroomanal
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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