I just cut my nipple shaving
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
