I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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