I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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