u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
