I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
