didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
