just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm like, not good at living.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
