Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
