i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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