People in love make me want to vomit
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
