On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Can I color on your dick again?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
