Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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