New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
