Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You are a genius and a whore.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
