I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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