I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
