ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
