and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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