I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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