she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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