I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
