How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
