im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
