you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
