I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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