Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
