i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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