i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
