Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
