I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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